Part Two: The infatuation begins…

(This is a follow up to Why does dating have to be so scary?)

So maybe the date was a bust. On the other hand, maybe it went really well. It’s now been a month, and you two are having dinner twice a week and text each other every night. Maybe you’ve kissed, maybe not. But you haven’t had the talk. You know, the talk. The DTR. You don’t want to be the first to bring it up – who does? – but inside you are dying to figure out what exactly is going on. What do you call your “relationship” with this person? Are you dating? If not, are you even on the path to dating? Do you want to be? Are you even on the same page?

"And then, we hugged. I think he's the one!"

You spend hours on the phone with your girlfriends, analyzing his every sentence and every gesture. Maybe you want a relationship, but he thinks you’re just friends. Maybe vice versa. Or maybe you’re both just too awkward and nervous to confess that you – gasp! – like each other.

Here’s my advice for those of you who may find yourself in this situation: Do. Not. Force. It. If it’s going to happen, it’ll happen. If he likes you, he’ll show it.

I’ve had a good bit of experience in this particular stage of dating because unfortunately for me, I was an expert at misreading the signs. I was always thinking there was a blossoming relationship when actually, there was just a guy who enjoyed my company (and maybe even a kiss or two) but didn’t want to commit to anything that remotely resembled a relationship. I really know how to pick ‘em, hmm?

I highly recommend this book, or anything by Greg Behrendt.

Don’t try so hard to be what you think he wants that you lose sight of what you want. And don’t feel guilty for wanting something you’re not getting. You deserve to be happy, and if he isn’t making you happy, move on.

I realized how ridiculous I’d been when I met someone who actually pursued me, instead of trying my best to force a relationship on someone who didn’t want one. Although six months later, he turned out to be pretty much the same as all the others, unfortunately. But my point is, at the time, he was interested and he made it clear. I didn’t have to force anything, although I still found myself impatient and trying to push things along.

But really, what is the rush? In all of my romantic blunders in the past year and a half, that’s what comes to mind. So what if it’s been two months of “hanging out” but you still don’t really know what’s going on? I wonder if I had just been more patient with those situations, and enjoyed them for what they were at the time – new friendships – I could have saved myself some heartache, because I wouldn’t have forced the romance so much.

I'm pretty sure I read the CliffsNotes version.

However, therein lies the Catch-22. There is a fine line between being patient and putting up with less than you deserve. I genuinely liked those people and desired a deeper relationship. That’s what I wanted, and I made it pretty clear. And that’s when things fell apart. It hurt at the time, but I’m better off for hearing the harsh truth.

So if you find yourself in a similar situation, ask yourself this: what is it that you want out of your relationship with this person? If you want a relationship just for the sake of having one, perhaps you need to reevaluate the person you’ve been spending so much time with and why. You might be putting up with a lot just to move forward with someone who’s not right for you.

If you truly like this person, why do you think you are feeling impatient? If it’s simply to define the situation because you don’t like having so many unknowns, maybe just let things play out. Like I said, if it’s meant to happen, it’ll happen.

But if it’s because you simply cannot contain your desire to be with that person, to tell them how happy they make you, then maybe it’s time for the DTR – however scared you might be. Good luck :)

I know it’s daunting – anytime you face possible rejection it’s terrifying. I’m not saying you need to ask out every guy in your life, or confess your undying love for your barista at Starbucks, but if you want to get anywhere, you have to put yourself out there. You won’t ever gain anything without risking something.

I may currently be single – and I may have endured quite enough heartbreak for one year – but I have also learned more about myself and what I deserve because I finally decided I wasn’t going to just sit back and let everyone else experience life and love.

April showers bring me hope

Hello, world. Welcome to “the cheerful calamity.” After a tumultuous March, I’m starting the month of April fresh. That means — among other things — pursuing a desire I’ve always wanted to do but never made the time for: starting a blog. 

Last month (in the span of less than two weeks, to be specific) my boyfriend broke up with me, I lost my job and someone ran into my car. Classic FML fodder. They say things come in threes, and that was definitely true for me.

Ever the optimist and normally a cheerful person, I was not myself and pretty down after the first two blows. In short, I was blindsided and utterly devastated. But when the third blow hit — literally — and my neighbor rear-ended my innocently parked car on the street, I snapped back. I realized that my life was clearly not in my control and at this point, I had to just go along with it. And I laughed. (Her insurance is paying for it, btw. Not sure I’d be laughing otherwise.)

As much as they sucked initially, I now realize that all three were blessings in disguise. The car, along with the help of my friends and family, brought me back to life. And the loss of the other two have given me the opportunity to leave a town that may have been holding me back and seek some truly amazing opportunities that I never would have pursued otherwise. I now have the freedom to do whatever and go wherever I want, and although liberating, that freedom is also a little terrifying.

But I’d say things are looking up. 

I promise this blog won’t always be so serious, but I wanted to give you an intro into the current chapter of my life story while I work on the next. And to quote GiGi from “He’s Just Not That Into You” (applicable to more than just guys):

“Maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy. Maybe it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is just moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this: knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment, you never gave up hope.”

Check back for updates… hopefully only good news from here on out :)